Those who can't, teach

If you have read my previous five posts on this blog, then you could be forgiven for thinking I have been enjoying a little holiday over here in Beijing. But in actual fact, I originally came here to teach English in a Chinese school, but with all the drinking of beer (and tea) in recent weeks I had forgotten that point myself!

Let's start at the beginning, I was a little nervous as I approached the school on day one. I made the decision to go in an hour and a half before my first lesson, firstly because I wanted to sample the breakfast. Secondly I wanted to sit in the office prior to my first class just to ensure my lesson plan looked capable of filling 40 minutes, after all I would be delivering it on no less than five occasions during that very day.

I have six Grade Three (8 year olds) classes, each of which I will teach on three occasions a week likewise my one Grade One (6 year olds) class. The Grade Three's would be learning about the 'five senses' whilst my Grade One's would be taught all about animals this week.

Me and one of my Grade Three classes

One of the lessons on the five senses provided a problem, within minutes I had the class in fits of laughter. It turned out that one of my students is called Mouth, and the sentence 'I taste with my mouth' caused the class to burst out laughing and point at the poor guy whilst shouting things at him in Chinese. 

On names, most Chinese people have adopted an English name. For example Bruce Lee was actually called Lee Jun-fan, and as such all of my students have English names too. Usually they choose the name closest to how their actual name is pronounced or in some cases such as Mouth's, they just pick a word they like. The most common names in my classes seem to be Cindy, Maria and Linda for girls and Jacky, George and Charlie for boys. That said I do have a boy called Water in one of my classes and he usually sits next to his friend, who is known as Weekend. My favourite name at the school though is that of an older boy in one of my friend's classes, he is called Garfield.

So anyway, my lessons went pretty well all things considered. The kids do get bored quickly so drilling sentences can get tiresome for them after a few minutes, to keep their attention songs and of course games are a must. The Grade One kids love the game 'duck, duck, goose', whilst the older children love 'Typhoon' a game that I was not au fait with to be honest but they go mental for it! These are the rules for 'Typhoon', if you care to read them.

Me and my Grade One class

I enjoyed my first week in the classroom, its amazing how quickly you can get into it. The kids love shouting out "teacher!" when they have completed a written task and if you ask for a volunteer almost all of them will put their hand up though quite often you will find that when you pick one of the volunteers they then decide they don't want to come up to the front, yet funnily enough their hand goes up again and again throughout the lesson... Also, what did come as a surprise even though I had been warned it might happen is that the Grade One's like to slap your bum when you are talking to someone sitting next to them, which they find hilarious too.

I am not sure if I am a good teacher or not but what is satisfying is when you get to the end of the week and the students are able to form the sentence you have been teaching them without having to hear you say it before them, you can't beat that.

'In Da Club'

Those who have seen any of the photos that I've uploaded to Facebook since coming to China will probably have noticed there are not many pictures of cultural interest or even of my apartment and the school (they will be up in the near future). Instead I have mainly uploaded a fair few drunken images of myself stood with loads of people that you don't know, unless of course you are one of those people in which case you probably know a fair few of my fellow drunkards.

So why have I seemingly spent the last 3 and a half weeks getting drunk? Well I would like to say its down to the company I keep, and although in some cases that is true, it is actually down to the price. A can of beer here can be purchased for as little as 20p and it is possible to have a night out spending just a fiver! Ok so in some cases you may spend a little more but I have not spent more than £15 on a night out yet.

What do you get for £15? That's your entry into the club, plenty of drinks and the taxi home! On some nights, it is actually 'all you can drink', so you only have to worry about entry into the club (£3 for girls/£5 for boys) then go crazy at the free bar! Needless to say, I have spent many nights in China pissed! In some cases I have enjoyed a celebrity like treatment, being ushered to the front of a queue and allowed in for free (probably because I am Western, I am not complaining).

This is how much beer you can buy with a fiver!

The clubs themselves are a little crazy, in Chinese culture it is apparently frowned upon to show public affection toward a member of the opposite sex so I think that might be the reason why many young people come to the clubs, its a chance to touch each other up! And the guys seem to love the Western girls, many of the girls I know have had up to four Chinese guys dancing or hanging off them at some point!

As for the Chinese girls, well I have attempted to chat to a few and have found in most cases they don't speak English. Usually all they can say is their name, age, where they live and whether or not they like Coca Cola - all extremely important information of course but not the basis for a relationship. In the couple of instances that the girls do actually speak decent English, I have struggled to keep the conversation going due to cultural differences - no-one here has heard of David Beckham for example (not that David Beckham is commonly a topic of conversation for me, I am simply using an example of something everyone in the Western world is familiar with but few Chinese people would know about).

So my search for a Chinese wife continues..... Maybe I need to take the Mandarin lessons more seriously? Perhaps I could learn whilst sat in the pub drinking a ridiculously cheap beer?

All the tea in China

In Beijing there is a scam known as the 'tea ceremony', it's aimed at western tourists. I had not heard of this scam until Teach and Travel China (TTC) warned all the interns about it on day one. I guess like most I thought it wouldn't happen to me....

My friend and I decided to spend one of our free days by going sightseeing, the Forbidden City and Tiananmen Square seemed a good starting point. I was amazed leaving the subway station as to just how many people were coming up to us to talk. Some trying to sell us stuff, some just to practice the little English they knew "hello, how are you?" etc. My friend took a photo of me just in front of the Forbidden City, moments later two ladies (in their early 40's I think) approached us, "hello are you from England?" one asked, to which I replied "yes I am, but my friend is from America". They seemed very excited, they told us how they were from South China and were visiting Beijing for the weekend.

It was a particularly cold day, and after a minute or so of talking one of the ladies said they were about to go for a coffee if we would like to join them, "we can practice our English some more" she said. It seemed a reasonable request, plus my friend and I were also very cold and the prospect of a nice cup of coffee seemed very appealing.

We walked down a street not far from Tiananmen Square and eventually came to this little tea shop, "shall we try here?", one of the ladies asked, my friend nodded and in we went. Next thing I knew, I was in this private room with my friend and the two ladies, we were sat around a table which an array of teas laid out before us. I tried to read the menu but the waitress snatched it out of my hand. Then she spoke in Chinese, the ladies translated saying that it was traditional to try all the teas before picking the one you would like a pot of. I know very little about Chinese traditions but agreed to let the waitress do what she had to do.

We tried ten teas in total, all unique and all very enjoyable. Though each 'taster' came in a little tiny cup, possibly half the size of a shot glass you might see in a Western bar. We agreed to have three pots, picking our favourites, we sat for an hour or so and chatted. We discussed the differences between Western and Eastern life, and the discussion flowed as if we had known the ladies for years. Then it was time to go, one of the ladies asked for the bill.

Upon being presented with the bill, she looked stunned and exchanged a few remarks in Chinese with the manager before passing the bill for me to inspect. It was just under 5000RMB (£500), I thought back to what TTC said and turned to my friend, we both looked at each other and in unison we uttered "Tea Ceremony". 

So instantly I thought, all four of us had been stung and been caught out. My friend passed me a note scribbled on a napkin with black biro, "they're in on it". Of course, TTC had warned that two ladies would approach Westerners and ask if they wanted to go for tea and it would all be a scam, a bill of an astronomical value would then be presented at the end of the tea drinking. But what were we to do? Luckily, I had the number of the TTC and my mobile phone, so I explained to the manager that I didn't have that sort of money and needed to call my friend who would be able to help me.

TTC told us to sit tight, they would be there soon and not to pay the bill. I explained to the ladies that we had friends who could help but for some reason they wanted out so they paid their half of the bill using a credit card. As she handed over the credit card, she nearly burst into tears at the thought of paying 2500RMB for three pots of tea, well one and a half pots of tea. Was she acting? If so, it was a performance worthy of an Oscar nomination!

After the ladies went, we were left in the room for a good half an hour before TTC turned up. They exchanged heated (Chinese) words with the manager and he eventually left the room. "You will have to pay something, as the place is legit. The menu has all the prices on it" - Oh yes, the menu that was snatched from my hands upon entering the room! After a couple of minutes of negotiations, the manager agreed to let us leave if we paid 800RMB between us. TTC advised it was the lowest amount he would accept so reluctantly we agreed to pay. 

The bill broken down showed we were to be charged a room hire fee, and 35RMB (£3.50) for the little tasters of each tea plus 350RMB (£35) for each pot of tea. That is before a more reasonable (did I really just put that?) price was agreed.

So basically I paid £40 for some tea, I was that guy! The moral of the story? Don't trust anyone! But I guess if nothing else it does make for a nice story....

Me outside the Forbidden City, moments before being scammed!

Learning mandarin (not satsuma)

As part of our two week course, interns were to undertake six 45 minute mandarin lessons. It is quite possibly the hardest language in the world to master, ok ok so I haven't learnt all the languages on the planet but compared to German (which I did learn), mandarin is impossible!

Ok so we have established that English aside, I have studied two languages in my life and as I write this I am trying to work out why I don't go back and delete my somewhat bizarre statement about mandarin being the hardest language in the world to master - but you know what, I am going to leave it there as it is an awesome opening statement albeit a tad misleading.

Everyone of the interns arrived in China possessing the ability to say hello, which is Ni Hao! However that is were my command of the language ended and to be frank, four and half hours worth of lessons later that is still pretty much all I know.

The key to learning mandarin is sussing out how to pronounce the sounds that make up words, problem is I (and seemingly every other intern) cannot get to grips with these sounds and when I actually attempt to say anything other than Ni Hao, I end up spouting a load of gobbledygook.

For example, thank you is xie xie and seemingly no westerner can agree on how it is pronounced, honestly I have heard twenty variations on its pronunciation and I simply can't say which is correct. So I have actually found myself avoiding use of the word, when in a situation were I am expected to say thank you, I just say thank you. I am not sure whether or not the shopkeepers etc. understand what it is I am saying but at least I am being polite.

Luckily for me, the chinese are as terrible at English as I am mandarin. This is not a bad thing however and does make for some wonderful translations, particularly on warning signs:-

"Electricity! Look Out!" - My favourite sign in China, so far...

I am due to have another two hours worth of lessons a week until I come home, and if I can master xie xie then I will leave a happy man.

xie xie.

My initial thoughts

I am not sure what I expected before coming to China, I guess I tried to keep an open mind as I knew things would be a little different to life in England. With that in mind, here are a few of my initial thoughts on China so far...

I was aware of the reported smog in Beijing and I can confirm that it does indeed exist! I have struggled to breath here at times and have developed a horrendous cough, which leads me nicely into my next point - spitting. The Chinese love to spit, for many westerners it is the biggest of all culture shocks as you walk down the street you can often hear someone coughing up and spitting out various organs onto the pavement. Nice.

The people here love to stare at westerners and some even approach you asking to have their photo taken with you, they particularly seem interested in blondes. Now the language barrier does cause some issues, very very few chinese people can speak English and so you often find yourself deep in a conversation that will never go anywhere.

Food - what can I say about the food? Well, I have had both good and bad experiences, generally the food is tasty but I am not always sure as to what exactly I am eating (probably a good thing). If you like rice and noodles then you'd love it here, there's plenty!! They also love vegetables, it is part of every meal which is not necessarily true of meat.

Overall, I like it here. I feel safe, the people are friendly (even if they don't speak my language, thats why I am here I guess) and the food is pretty good if you know where to go. 

One thing is for sure though, I could murder a cup of Yorkshire Tea (other teas are available). 

Welcome to China

So after signing up for the Teach and Travel China Internship back in September, Friday 27th January was upon me and it was time to board the flight to Beijing from Heathrow (via Hong Kong).

Luckily I was not alone having met up with four other interns at the airport, our adventure was about to begin. I bonded with my fellow travelers during almost a day worth of flying, truth is the journey was relatively pain free and several crosswords later I was finally stepping off the plane in Beijing.

Suddenly, our little group of five had grown as we sat in Starbucks with 30 other interns each as sleep-deprived as the next but all full of anticipation and excitement as we prepared to take the next step in what promised to be a life changing experience.