Hong Kong (Part 1)

As mentioned in previous blogs. I was told that I needed to get a working visa on arriving back in China. One positive to be taken from this was that I would have the opportunity to visit Hong Kong, the home of visa extensions (apparently there's a t-shirt you can buy that says "I went to Hong Kong and all I got was this lousy visa"). I didn't know much about Hong Kong, I knew it had been Britain's until 1997 and that most people remain fluent English speakers, as I learnt first hand from my experience of teaching some Hong Kongians (am I really gonna start this again?) last semester.

Well, my fellow travellers would be Kevin, Natalie, Jess and Chris. Annoyingly our trip fell during a national holiday known as 'Golden Week' and as such the trains were fully booked just about - in China, you can't book a train journey earlier than 10 days in advance. We ended up booking the only tickets we could, an option known as 'hardseats'. However, with the return trip being a few days later we had a bit more choice and paid a little extra for the option referred to as a 'hard sleeper'.

For those, not familiar with China. Beijing is located in the north and Hong Kong is just South of the mainland. Now you don't need to be Geography professor to know that China is a pretty big country and with that in mind it probably won't surprise you to learn that the train journey would take 28 hours to complete. Now, the prospect of something described as being a 'hard seat' becomes particularly unappealing!

And so it was that just before midnight on Monday 1st October, we boarded the train. It was so hot on there and overcrowded, it took a little bit of patience, climbing and balance to find my way to the seat that would be home to my bottom for next 28 hours. In addition to being able to buy a train ticket, you are also able to buy the cheaper alternative, a standing ticket. And wow, lots of people had taken advantage of this thrifty option, there was no room to move and I had baggage and the occasional person propped up against my legs for the duration of the journey. At one point, I braved the human assault course to go to the toilet and on my return, a bloke was asleep in my seat leaning on Kevin, who could only laugh as I had to ask for my seat back.

Falling asleep in the 'hard seat' was not easy, but with a little table in front of us the option to lean your head on something was available. I reckon I fell asleep at about 3am, as the air conditioning finally kicked in and reduced the temperature of the carriage. I managed about 4 hours before being woken up by a cleaner who decided that he needed to get under the table at 7am and to do so he should wake up everyone at the table, 'who cares if they are probably gonna struggle to get back to sleep? I need to clean under that table and I need to clean under that table now! 9 or 10am would be far too late' - I imagine this to be how he justified his plan to wake me up. I still have nightmares of his persistent tapping on my shoulder.

The journey wasn't too bad and in truth the hard seat wasn't that bad either, it was like a seat you would expect on most UK trains. They are comfy enough though after 28 hours, your bum does eventually become numb. I think the term 'hard seat' comes from its predecessor which I am led to believe was a wooden bench. I don't think I would have been able to last 28 hours on the old hard seat.

We found ways to entertain ourselves, ipods, books and a couple of beers. At one point, Kevin and I joined a few Chinese guys and girls in a game of cards. Luckily for us, one of them could speak English so he was able to explain what it was that we were playing.

Thumbs up for the crowded train to Hong Kong

We eventually arrived in Hong Kong, a little lethargic but we mustered enough enthusiasm to have a comedy photo taken during our subway journey to the hostel:

Just one of the many humorously named Subway stations

We checked into our hostel and then it was time to head to visa office to apply for our Z visas, despite feeling a little grubby and in desperate need of showers. The process was a little faster than I'd expected and soon enough we were free to explore, though we'd need to be back the following day to find out the verdict. And on that note, how about a little cliffhanger? So, did I obtain the Z visa? Did I return to China or did I have to go back to the UK? Well, you can probably guess the outcome...

To be continued...

Returning to China (Part 2)

So I was back in China, it was Friday and as hoped I would be living with my friend from last semester, Lauren and working at the same school - though it would not be the same school that I'd worked at originally, as planned. No the company had lost the contract with the school and as such I would be working at a public school opposed to a private school though curiously they had the exact same name...

So Lauren and I arrived on Tuesday 4th September expecting to begin work on the following Monday. Sadly, at the very last minute, the Sunday, we received news that we would not be able to work on the visas we currently had. So instead of heading into the classroom we went to meet our boss the following day to discuss our options. Basically, we would need to apply for a 'working visa' also know as the 'Z visa'. To do this we need to first obtain a working license and pass a medical before heading down to Hong Kong to apply for the visa itself.

Everyone was gutted, possibly me most of all. As I explained in my previous blog, I wouldn't have made it back to China if not for the support of my family. And now I found myself with the equivalent of £20 to my name, yet I would be expected to cover all the expenses which come with applying for a Z visa.

First up was the toughest challenge, the application for a working license. I did not hold out much hope of being successful as I was told a degree would be required plus two years teaching experience. But with no money to book a flight home, I had little choice but to apply and take up my new housemate Kevin on his offer of helping pay for my application.

After an agonising wait, the results were in. against all odds, I had been granted a work license and would now undergo a medical. Luckily, the medical was at a Western Medical Centre opposed to a Chinese one, though I have had all my shots (Tequila is only a pound in one bar I frequent), of course I mean vaccinations (I apologise for the feeble and somewhat obvious gag about tequila shots).

We got the bus to the centre, and underwent a series of examinations - some were familiar such as giving blood, testing blood pressure and X-rays. Others less so, one involved a variety of suckers being attached to various parts of my body to measure only Buddha knows what and another which was an odd variation on the classic eye test, like the ones I have had in England a hundred times were you look at a board and read out the letters, the Chinese version is a series of Ms, Es, 3s and Ws.

The Chinese eye test

The results came back, all of which I had passed. The one I was most excited about was to hear that I didn't have AIDs!

Next up was the final stage, the application for the Z visa which would involve heading down to Hong Kong on what would be a 28 hour train journey. I have opted not to go into too much detail about my trip to Hong Kong as I think it deserves a blog of its own (maybe even be another 2 parter!).

Once we got to Hong Kong we had enough time to drop our bags off at the hostel before legging it over to the Visa Office, and after borrowing yet more money to pay for the application, we submitted our applications for consideration on a 24 hour schedule which meant we had time to explore before learning our fate. The next day we arrived to pick up our results and fortunately we were all successful. We arrived back in Beijing on Saturday 6th October marking just over a month's worth of not teaching. But, thankfully on the Monday, I finally got back into the classroom!

L-R: Natalie, Chris, Kevin, Me and Jess on the bus before our medical

In total I spent the equivalent of £300 getting the Z visa, The company did reimburse me for the medical, about £60, but the rest would not be reimbursed. So I ended up borrowing money from my family (once again) and a new friend, Kevin. Never dedicated a blog to anyone before, but Part One definitely belongs to my family and this one belongs to Kev (poor sod ain't getting his money back! hahaha - just kidding!!).

Returning to China (Part 1)

It is hard to pinpoint when it was exactly that I decided to return to Beijing and China, but I think the seed was sown during a night out with friends. I was stood at the bar with a couple of people chatting about how all my close friends in Beijing had decided to sign on for another semester or two at their schools.

For me, I thought of home, family, friends and my pet cat! There was never a question of not wanting to stay, I was happy living and working here. In fact, I think that I enjoy my work in the classroom more than any job I have previously held. I just wondered whether I could be away from my loved ones for another whole semester, as it turned out I wouldn't be away from my family for one semester at all...

After a dreaded Skype conversation with my mum and then my dad, to my surprise both were quite supportive of my idea of possibly staying, I felt more confident about signing on for another semester with the same school. I could have found a different school to work at and earned a lot more money, but I was happy to take a measly 200% pay rise working for the same company and possibly teaching the same students.

So after a lot of consideration, I decided to bite the bullet and asked my boss about the possibility of staying, she seemed pleased to hear that I was keen to remain at the school. However, I would not be offered a contract for one semester but two. This meant that I would be in China until June 2013 instead of January 2013 (as I was expecting), I had only just convinced myself that I could survive one more term, how could I manage two? I decided not to think about that and worry about it when January came, and with that I signed on the dotted line.

I already had my return flight booked, so in early July (3 weeks after I had finished teaching) I returned to England. I had little money and two months to save enough to fly back! It was a struggle, I did the odd bit of work for my friend but as the September approached, I knew the chances of returning to China seemed highly unlikely. My mum had an idea, which my little sister and dad also seemed to support - each of them gave me my birthday and Christmas gifts in the form of money, which combined with the little I had managed to save, would be enough to book my flight back to Beijing. And with about 10 days left until the date I was required to be back, I booked with Swiss International Air Lines.

Leaving my family this time was a lot harder than back in January, the goodbyes being the most emotional I have ever experienced. As hard as it was to say goodbye, I just want my family to know I am very happy to be back in China, and without their help and support, it wouldn't have been possible. I owe them a lot, and my debt to them will be repaid as soon as my adventure over here comes to an end.

Posing 'China style' outside Beverley Minster during my summer holiday

However, as you have guessed by the '(part 1)' suffixed to the title, this was only half the story and although I had done enough to get myself back to China, there would be a new challenge awaiting me, getting back into the classroom...

Tales from the classroom 2

So, I finished teaching just over a week ago. It was quite sad saying goodbye to all the children during that last week. I taught just over 200 kids across my six classes in Grade Three and three classes in Grade One.

Ok, so I might not have learnt all their names during the four and half months I taught them and I admit I had my favourites but I will remember the faces of each and every one of them (partly because I took so many photos in my final week)!

There have been many highlights during the semester, some of which I have already blogged about - The Hong Kong kids, comments from Water (who I have since renamed 'Nigel') such as "ah come on, man!" in an American accent.

Me and the now infamous Water (Nigel)

Other than those highlights and others I have previously mentioned, I remember a boy called Willy, from Class 5 in Grade Three, single handedly winning a game of hangman for his team. I usually write full sentences on the board opposed to single words to get the class thinking about sentence structure more than just vocabulary. More often than not, Willy would work out a full sentence (sometimes up to 10 words long) after only four or five letters had been revealed. Having played a lot of hangman with these kids, I have not seen another player come close to this, I am told though that Willy is somewhat of a genius so that would probably explain why he is so good. He will probably carve out a career working on code breaking when he finishes his studies.

Another thing that made me laugh was actually during the final week. I had three lessons with each class and as we had covered everything in their books, I decided to treat them by showing some of the Wallace and Gromit movies as their 30 minute length would fit perfectly into my 40 minute lessons. By the final lesson, I came to realise that the kids had watched so much Wallace and Gromit that they could happily sing along to the theme tune. I don't know why it took me by surprise but it did. Take a look at this video:-

Also during the last week, a lot of the kids presented me with gifts. Some of the gifts were really nice, such as a Chinese Opera mask style metal bookmark, a laughing buddha ornament and a Parisian notebook. However, a handful of the gifts were obviously pulled out of the bottom of their lockers including used highlighter pens, foil packaged preserved vegetables and Chinese text books! I appreciate the thought though, and will take most of the gifts home with me but the Chinese text books may have to be left behind...

I have really enjoyed teaching these kids and because of that I have signed a contract for the next school year, I hope I will get the opportunity to teach them again. If not I am sure I will see them around the corridors, just hope I can remember their names...

Me and one of my Grade Three classes

Me and one of my Grade One classes

The Beijing Olympics (well, Sports Day)

A few weeks ago now, the whole school including the foreign teachers were given the whole day off from the classroom and instead whisked away to an athletics stadium for Sports Day.

The two months prior to this, I'd suspected that the Sports Day may be a big deal as preparation often took precedent over other meetings and on occasion, lessons themselves.

I wasn't quite sure what to expect when I climbed aboard the coach with the other foreign teachers, early that morning. When we arrived at the stadium, we were directed to the back of a stand and there we sat for a couple of hours whilst all the students at the school were organised into groups. Some had basketballs, some had unicycles, others had their Tae Kwon Do uniforms on and each group was dressed differently to the last.

For the next hour or so, we watched as the children took part in a parade, it was this very parade that they had been practicing and preparing for in the previous weeks. It was highly impressive, each group were given time to demonstrate their skills. We watched a Tae Kwon Do demonstration, saw some tricks from a group of diabloists (is that a word? Well they were diablo users), then the unicyclists and basketball players. There were also dance performances by two or three of the groups.

As the English teacher for Grade Three, I was a little disappointed to see they were the only group without outfits, instead wearing their usual school-issued yellow tracksuits. That initial disappointment was soon kicked into touch when they delivered a cool Martial Arts display (I want to say Tai Chi, but truth is I'm not sure what it was...). Take a look for yourself (apologies for the dodgy camera work)...

The undoubted highlight was the dance performed by the whole of Grade One. The girls were dressed in pink leotards and the boys all in black. They were all sporting multi-coloured wigs and black thick rim glasses (well the frames, no actual glass), they danced to Shakira's World Cup song, known affectionately by us foreigners as the Waka Waka song, but I am reliably informed that the actual name is 'This Time For Africa'. The audience loved it, but then it would be hard not to smile whilst watching 150+ 6-7 year olds dancing with silly wigs on! Sadly my camera battery died so I didn't get very much footage.

The big finish involved hundreds of balloons being released into the sky, followed a few moments later by a dozen white doves...

I was particularly impressed with how well drilled all the kids were considering they are aged between 6-12 years old, it did make me wonder how well their equivalents in England would perform in a parade like this.

All the students at the school in their regimented lines

The the kids left the field to prepare for the Sports events, around half an hour later they were back and as quickly as possible they were encouraged to run races, eight students at a time. As one race finished, the next started almost instantly. Unlike the parade earlier, the races appeared very rushed and in actual fact the 'sports' element of the day seemed as though it had gotten in the way of what should have been a lovely little 'Parade Day'.

I am not sure who won any of the races that day, but I doubt anyone really cared. A lot of effort had been put into the parade and all that hard work paid off, it was brilliant.

A weekend in Shenyang (part two)

After a nice long sleep in Charlie's spare room it was time to get up and see what Shenyang had to offer.

First things first, I had to be revealed to Trent, who was unaware of me coming to stay for the weekend though he knew the girls were visiting. Charlie had arranged for us to meet him in a canteen near their school. It was quite a cool canteen, reminded me of a food court that might be found in any shopping centre in England. However, unlike it's English counterparts, this place offered value for money. We all got a plate full of food for 8RMB each (about 80p). Before we ordered the food though, we needed to meet up with Trent.

We were on the top floor of a building and he sent a text to Charlie to say he was on the lift, we decided that I would hide around the corner and once he had said hello to the girls I would come up behind him and surprise him. As I approached, Charlie said "hey Trent, there's your mate", and as he turned round he looked genuinely shocked to see me, a quick hug and hello and we all sat down to eat. This part of the story may seem a bit odd to some at home reading this, "why make such a big deal of seeing a person I had known for just two weeks?" I hear you ask, well being in China, I have found that many westerners become really close friends very quickly with other westerners, perhaps we just want to surround ourselves with people of similar backgrounds in what is an alien country, all I know is I think of a lot of the friends I have made here as family - okay, enough of the sentimental nonsense....

After eating we left the building and spent half an hour playing 'keep ups' with a Chinese toy, its hard to explain what it is exactly as I had never seen one before coming here, its basically some feathers attached to a weight with a rubber base. Its good fun and after we'd had enough we continued to explore.

It wasn't long before we found ourselves stood next to a mechanical bull/bucking bronco on the side of the street. Trent was keen to have a go, and the owners saw a great marketing opportunity (i.e. several westerners) and offered us all a free go. Trent climbed onto the bull and soon enough we were surrounded by Chinese people desperate to catch a glimpse of the foreigners making a fool of themselves, unfortunately for them Trent rode the bull until it ran out of steam. Cat fancied her chances too, so jumped up and like Trent before her, beat the bull. We were all ready to go when a couple of the girls challenged me to ride the bull, I didn't fancy it but having seen my Australian and American friends do so well, I thought I needed to do Britain proud..... I fell off after about 30 seconds.

A little later on in the afternoon, we heard from Dee via a text message that she was on the train from Beijing to Shenyang and would be joining us for a night out. Charlie had booked us tickets for a beer bus, like many things here in China it favoured the girls, who received free cocktails throughout the tour whilst the guys were allowed one warm can of beer in each bar, fantastic. We had a good night and ended up in a really cool club, were we drank plenty of alcohol and danced the night away.

Me and Trent at the club

The next day we caught the train, and in tribute to the journey down to Shenyang, Cat and I made it by mere seconds! The journey back was quiet as we all began to recover from the previous night. We did meet a Chinese girl though, who was visiting family, she told us she had been living in Swansea for ten years but had come back for a couple of weeks. She seemed to appreciate how hard it can be for foreigners in a strange land, she said (in her Chinese/Welsh accent) "it can be quite hard settling into a new country, isn't it?"

Overall, it was a good weekend, not sure how interesting this blog will be for those that weren't there though I am sure those who were with me will enjoy it. Just thought it would nice to mark the only time I left Beijing by writing about it!

L-R: Me (with my warm beer), Charlie, Nicola, Lauren, Dee, Erica and Cat

A weekend in Shenyang (part one)

Having arrived in Beijing three months ago, its strange to think that I haven't left the capital even once. The weeks I have spent here have been action packed with very few dull moments, what with the sight-seeing, partying and the occasional English lesson. I have not really felt the need to travel elsewhere, besides travelling to any other part of this unbelievably gigantic city can at times take almost as long as a journey from East Yorkshire to Birmingham.

In fact if it hadn't have been for a chat with my friend Charlie on Skype, the idea of heading to Shenyang in the North of China would possibly never have crossed my mind. She had asked me to travel up for Trent's birthday (Trent was my room mate during orientation in the first two weeks). Unfortunately that trip never materialised but having spoken to some of my fellow teachers in Beijing, the trip was back on but instead of a train ride on my own, I'd be joined by four friends (Nicola, Lauren, Cat and Dee).

So on Friday 20th April, five of us were booked on the 17.47 Beijing to Shenyang Bei train. The plan was to meet at 5pm at the main entrance to the station, and as my taxi hit traffic, I began to panic. I was going to be late, luckily I arrived at 5.10pm. Sadly though I was the first to arrive. Nicola arrived next and we'd both heard off Cat and Lauren, who were stuck in traffic and gave an ETA of 17.40. Well, 17.47 approached and at 17.45, Nicola and I made the decision to climb aboard and cross our fingers that our three friends would make it. The sound of the train doors closing rang out and as they did, Nicola's phone rang. "We made it" Cat told her, they'd managed to jump on just in time, Dee however made it onto the platform a couple of minutes after our train had departed. We hoped she would travel up later that night or early Saturday morning, at this point we were not sure if we'd see her at all.

The journey itself was fairly uneventful, we drank beer and played musical chairs (taking it in turns to sit by one another and listen to each other's iPods), we were quite loud throughout the five hour train ride possibly annoying all our fellow passengers, all of whom were Chinese. One of which was on the receiving end of an open can of beer to the suit courtesy of clumsy old me, Nicola had to clean him up on my behalf as I couldn't prevent myself from literally rolling in the aisles... I am a bad person, I know.

When we finally arrived, we jumped in a taxi and met our host Charlie outside what looked like a strip club. We were told that it wasn't but let me promise you fellas, I did witness striping that night, and I took pictures for your viewing pleasure, wahey!

The first hour flew by as we sipped Western priced beer and caught up with Charlie and two other teachers from the program, Erica and Shauna. As the bar emptied, not long after midnight, a rather large Chinese man approached us and took a shine to the girls, and in particular, Nicola. He was a peculiar individual, rather jolly but he was donning a sexy silver set of pyjamas. For the purpose of this blog, I have nicknamed him Mr Jolly.

L-R: Cat, Lauren, Erica, Shauna, Mr Jolly, Charlie, Nicola, a barmaid and me

Me and Mr Jolly's buddha belly (phwoar!! topless pics as promised!)

What started out as a bit of fun, us taking photos of Mr Jolly posing with the girls and his Buddha belly protruding from his now open pyjama top, soon escalated. He danced with Charlie and Nicola, who appeared to be having a wonderful time and from somewhere (possibly thin air) he produced a couple of phallic shaped instruments (possibly toys) and proceeding to stick them in his mouth and then attempted to stick them in Nicola's mouth. It was at this point, I felt someone needed to step in but instead of coming to Nicola's aide, I did what any good friend would and decided to capture as many images as I could using my camera....

Mr Jolly with Nicola, who looks ready to go home...

To be continued....

Hong Kong Phooey

Last week, we had 18 students visit from a Canadian International school in Hong Kong. They were here for a few days and stayed with students from my school, joining them in all their lessons. What this meant is I had several children fluent in the language taking part in my English lessons, at first I was not too keen as the Chinese teachers told me to give them special attention, almost to the point of not actually teaching my class any English. Fortunately, I managed to strike the right balance between making them feel welcome and part of the lessons whilst teaching the Chinese kids some English.

And despite my initial reservations, I actually grew to quite like the Hong Kongians (is that what you call them?) and enjoyed chatting to them between lessons. I didn't get off on the right foot with them though, taking an instant dislike to one child, who, unlike all his mates had been placed with my Grade One class (six year olds) instead of children his own age (8-10 year olds). I walked in to the room to teach this class and there he is, sat towering over them, first thing he says to me is, "I am totally fluent in English and you can say anything to me, I'll understand it". Maybe I was having a bad day, maybe I am a horrible person but as he said that to me in his little smarmy North American accent, I thought 'right then you little bastard, lets see....' and proceeded to spit out "antidisestablishmentarianism", he looked at me, "do you know this word?" I queried, "not sure, you said it too fast" he lied, so I repeated, "yeah I know it, just cannot remember what it means..." "annoying when that happens, isn't it?" I replied, before heading to the front to teach my lesson. Funnily enough, I couldn't remember what it meant either (though I have since googled it).

This young man was brought down a peg or two later on in that lesson not by me, but by Nina, my star pupil in Grade One. In a game in which I pick two people at a time to come to the front, and then show them a picture to which the person who shouts out what it is first, wins a point for their team. The picture was of a birthday cake and Nina was in there a split second before him, he then wined that she had cheated (not sure how that is possible...). I was proud of her, not only because he was a cocky little so and so but because this girl, who has been learning English for two years tops managed to put him (a fluent English speaker) in his place. I imagine it made her feel pretty good in the process.

That kid aside, I found most the other Hong Kongonians very pleasant to speak to and a couple of things they said have been deemed funny/interesting enough to warrant their very own blog post (this very blog post to be specific).

During one lesson, I had the class finding words from something I had written on the board. A classic activity that you will all have done at some point in which you have to construct words using the letters of the words/sentence on the board. One of the Hong Kongish students put his hand up and said "Abuse", I thought I'd misheard him so asked him to him repeat, to which he replied, "you know, abuse! As in, child abuse". He was right, that word could be made from the other words, still felt a bit wrong writing it up on the board though.

But the classic, and possibly one my favourite moments of all came on their (the Hong Kongers) last day before heading home. I'd heard a rumour that Alex, one of the Chinese students had started 'going out' with one of the girls from the Hong Kong school, I then saw him talking to one of the girls and handing her this toy (made of plastic that can be manipulated into various shapes), I went over to her and said "Are you Alex's girlfriend?", her reply was priceless - "What? No! He is not my boyfriend! I just want to play with his thingy!!" One of the other English teachers was in earshot and like me, burst into tears with laughter much to the confusion of all the students.

The kids said good bye to me on their last day and said they had enjoyed the lessons as it had been one of the few times during their stay that they had the opportunity to speak in English to someone outside of their own group, which I can relate to as incidentally this has been the case for me during my time in Beijing, so far.

Some of the Hong Kong kids gave me this hand-made card on their last day

As the module was on food, most of my classes during the week in which the Hong Kongals were at the school usually began with me asking the question, "what did you have for breakfast?" as you can see from the card above that three of the kids made me, it was somewhat of a catchphrase!

I am not sure if you will be able to read all of it, but the bit in pencil says "the games were awesome, thank you for bringing back English to our minds!". And they did a little doodle of the Hong Kong Skyline. Not sure if they are trying to be funny calling me Danielle, but I am not laughing.... Only joking, it was a pleasure to teach them, though I didn't imagine I'd be saying that when they'd first arrived.

Tales from the classroom

I have now been teaching for about six weeks, as you can imagine there have been many memorable moments - some funny, some sad, some gross and one or two that will stay with me for a long time. I will attempt to share a few with you here....

Let's start with a few phrases that I hear on a daily basis. One of the kids I have previously mentioned, Water is possibly the best English speaker in the grade, so much so he has picked up several phrases (possibly from American TV shows) that he likes shouting in the classroom. My particular favourite being when his team losses at a game, he says to me "oh man, come on!?!" in an American accent. He also likes to greet me by saying "hello baby", something a lot of his classmates are now mimicking as I discovered when sat in the canteen with my fellow teachers one day and that class all came in and said "hello baby" to me, one of the other teachers said "Dan, what are you teaching your kids?", highly embarrassing. Water did find himself stood at the back of the classroom recently however when he shouted "teacher" and on my turning around 'flipped the bird' (stuck his middle finger up at me), I said "get to the back of the room, you don't do that", he seemed very confused and said "but what have I done?".

Another phrase the kids say is "teacher, I'm okay", this comes after they have completed a written task, I usually reply "I am okay too". When giving the class a task some kids like to say "teacher, I know", I am considering asking these students to explain to the rest of the class who don't know (as I haven't finished explaining), would give me a chance to have a little rest. I am not sure if I have mentioned in previous posts within this blog but one particular phrase all Chinese children know is when you ask the question "how are you?" as they always reply "I'm fine thank you, and you?" it can be quite funny hearing 25-30 Chinese children all saying it in unison.

One thing that did take me by surprise was during my first or second week, I had split the class into two teams and asked one of the girls what her team should be called, expecting the usual reply of something along the lines of "Angry Birds", "Dragon" or "Hamburger", I was taken aback when she said "n*gger, n*gger". I replied "erm, well I think erm maybe someone else should suggest a team name". I was stunned, and shared my experience with some of the other teachers during a break. One of the teachers who has been here 18 months said, "yeah Chinese people say that a lot, its kind of their equivalent to 'erm, let me think' so don't worry, she wasn't being racist". He is right, I hear this particular phrase a lot, from people of all ages and the initial shock is no longer there but I do worry for their safety if they ever decide to visit a Western country....

Recently I was teaching one of my grade three classes and one of the girls just started vomiting all over the floor, I thought it was quite selfish of her as I was in the middle of explaining the rules to a game we were about to play, the class all pitched in though as one took her by the hand and they left the room (to go to the toilet I assume) whilst several others got a mop and paper towels to clean it up. Annoyingly though we ran out of time and we didn't get to play the game, her fault.

One of my grade three classes posing for the camera

One thing that is inevitable when you work with children is that at some point there will be tears, at first you think "oh no, what have I done?", with the language barrier its very hard for their classmates to explain what has happened. I imagine sometimes it is me, maybe telling them they have pronounced something wrong or having the audacity to declare the opposition team the winners of a game. It is hard to know what to do, part of you wants to give them a hug but considering the Chinese teachers ignore them in this situation, I feel its better to continue with the lesson and try to keep the other children's attention so the child can have their cry in peace and hopefully without ridicule.

One of the nicest moments came last week, when all the kids in one of lessons were being a bit rowdy so I said "Qing Zuo!" which means 'please sit down'. They all sat down and one kid proclaimed "teacher, you speak very good Chinese, I love you!". Truth is I speak terrible Chinese and I try to get by using about five different phrases! Don't tell him though.

McDonalds in China

Anyone who knows me well, knows that I am not a big fan of McDonald's. Its not that I am against this type of fast food chain, I love KFC and enjoy the occasional Burger King but for some reason I am not keen on the food at the golden arches. I can't say I never go there because that would be lying, on occassion I have been taken at gun point by family and friends who love the place.

I have lived my life as an outcast, a loner walking the streets in a world I share with of McDonald's fanatics, and I have never truly understood the appeal. Until now that is. I don't know what it is, but in China I love going to McDonald's. It is a place I go at least once a week, I believe it is because in a week that features rice or noodles in just about every meal, I like the taste of home and as my mum's cooking and pub grub is in short supply over here I have to settle for Maccie D's. I say settle, which is a bit harsh as there is no settling at all, it never fails to hit the spot!

Even writing up the last blog on Old McDonald had my mouth watering at the prospect of double bacon cheeseburger... I knew then I had a problem, and the idea for this very blog post was born.

More choice on the menu than any McDonald's back home

I thought given my usual dislike for all things McRelated, I needed to consider why I like it so much here so I have come up with a few reasons why McDonalds in China rocks!

Price - It is a lot cheaper than back home, a meal costs in the region of 21RMB to 29RMB (£2.10 to £2.90)!

Delivery - What? Yep that's right they deliver. I often see mopeds covered with the infamous McDonald's logo on its way to someone to ensure they have their McFix without leaving the sofa (well apart from getting up to answer the door...).

Half Price at Lunchtime - Perhaps one of the strangest differences is that every McDonalds is half price between 11am and 2pm, every day. Having studied Business at college and university, in addition to working in Marketing for several years, the concept of purposely reducing your profit margin is lost on me (and during the busiest period no less!?!) but as a consumer it something I am all for!

Breakfast menu - Ok, so I have not strayed from the familiarity of a sausage and egg McMuffin yet but I do love their breakfast menu. As well as the usual things, they also offer a hotdog and if that is not enough how about all the burgers you can get during the rest of day, only in a muffin? Yes these are real options and cost just 8RMB (about 80p), the breakfast muffins are 20RMB (£2) though and I will stick with them for now, though the idea of a chicken burger in a muffin at 9am is very tempting...

24 hour - I cannot speak for the rest of China but seemingly every McDonalds in Beijing is 24 hour, which is very hard to turn at down when you are falling out of a club in the early hours of the morning before getting a taxi home.

Coffee - It is very hard to find a good cup of coffee here and though there are Starbucks littered around amongst other coffee shops they usually charge the equivalent of £3.50 for a cup, McDonalds on the other hand charge just 85p, plus they offer refills.... it's a no brainer!

I dare say that when I return to England, I will go back to avoiding McDonalds but for the time being I am happy for it to be my little taste of home on those rare occasions that I don't fancy noodles or rice.

Old McDonald

Today saw the 12th and final lesson of the module on Animals, to celebrate I thought I would film my Grade 1 class (6 year olds) singing 'Old McDonald', a song they were not aware of up until four weeks ago.

It is a good effort by the class, considering their English is very basic and they have only sang this song on four occasions over the past 12 lessons. Also, this is the first time they sang without my accompaniment (probably a good thing, as I have a tendency to ruin the song) so I am really proud.

I apologise for the camera work, I was pointing to the animals on the board at the same time as holding the camera so in parts its a little shaky.

They start by singing about a dog, then a duck, then a cow and finally a frog. There appears to be a little confusion at the start of the fourth verse, so I am not sure anyone actually sings the word 'frog' but they do all sing 'ribbet ribbet!' And one or two sing 'rabbit rabbit', oh gotta love hijinks!

I hope you enjoy the video!

The Mane Event

Before coming to China, I had wanted to have one final haircut however as crunch time approached, I found myself counting every penny and even begging for a few off my loved ones too. Suffice to say spending between £10 and £20 on a haircut was no longer feasible.

So I got to China and as expected within two weeks, I started to look like one of those Hell's Angels albeit without the motorcycle, leathers or beard - on facial hair, its probably better to let it grow out as having a wet shave here is proving to be the most arduous task of my weekly routine! The water that comes out of the taps is cold, and although there is a red dot on the left of the tap it only runs hot for about five seconds before returning to its default setting, cold. For the guys reading this they will feel my pain of shaving with cold water, while the girls will think I am a wimp of course and tell me to be thankful of the fact I will never experience childbirth... I have started to boil water with a kettle but it seems to manage to get through the plug in the sink so shaving is now a race between me and the hot water! Anyway, I digress...

So after being here four weeks, I plucked up the courage to go get my haircut. I was genuinely terrified, what would I end up looking like? So I grabbed my phrasebook (completely useless as they are), stuck a photo of myself with short hair on my iPod (other MP3 players are available) and asked for a translation in Chinese characters from my friend to show the hairdresser and then made my way to Jason's Hair Salon.

I walked in, everyone turned to look at me, I began to question whether I had walked into a salon in the East or a saloon in the West...

Three hairdressers jumped me like they all wanted a go on my hair, I showed them the photo on my generic MP3 player and the Chinese text I had which said something along the lines of - "short on the sides, slightly longer on top". They nodded, to my relief as this meant the phrasebook could remain my pocket, result!

I had my hair washed and then was sat down in front of a mirror, the hairdresser looked at me and smiled - I wasn't smiling back though, just panicking. He started to cut the back and sides, all looked good. He started on the top and within a few seconds he was finished but it was too long, what do I do? My generic MP3 player was in my coat and that had been taken away and hung up. I used the universal (or at least I think it is) sign for scissors and mimed my hair being cut some more. He looked perplexed, what did I mean? I tried another approach, pointing at his scissors and then the penny dropped. He carried on and then after a couple of minutes looked at me to say he was finished, no the fringe is too long! I mimed again, and he aggressively (probably wishing he hadn't been so keen to cut the weird foreigners hair) carried on and took half an inch off the fringe. It was still too long, but I couldn't be bothered miming anymore and just accepted it as it was.

I went to pay, the total was a whopping 25RMB (£2.50) - at that price I guess I cannot complain. I was going out that night and was pleasantly surprised to find that my hair looked alright (once I had put some product in it)! See for yourself:-

A couple of fellow TEFL teachers and me (no longer a hell's angel) 

Apologies for this somewhat metrosexual blog about my haircut, the next one will be on football and motorsport (well....probably not). Oh and I hoped you like the Eastern salon/Western saloon gag (I did)....

Those who can't, teach

If you have read my previous five posts on this blog, then you could be forgiven for thinking I have been enjoying a little holiday over here in Beijing. But in actual fact, I originally came here to teach English in a Chinese school, but with all the drinking of beer (and tea) in recent weeks I had forgotten that point myself!

Let's start at the beginning, I was a little nervous as I approached the school on day one. I made the decision to go in an hour and a half before my first lesson, firstly because I wanted to sample the breakfast. Secondly I wanted to sit in the office prior to my first class just to ensure my lesson plan looked capable of filling 40 minutes, after all I would be delivering it on no less than five occasions during that very day.

I have six Grade Three (8 year olds) classes, each of which I will teach on three occasions a week likewise my one Grade One (6 year olds) class. The Grade Three's would be learning about the 'five senses' whilst my Grade One's would be taught all about animals this week.

Me and one of my Grade Three classes

One of the lessons on the five senses provided a problem, within minutes I had the class in fits of laughter. It turned out that one of my students is called Mouth, and the sentence 'I taste with my mouth' caused the class to burst out laughing and point at the poor guy whilst shouting things at him in Chinese. 

On names, most Chinese people have adopted an English name. For example Bruce Lee was actually called Lee Jun-fan, and as such all of my students have English names too. Usually they choose the name closest to how their actual name is pronounced or in some cases such as Mouth's, they just pick a word they like. The most common names in my classes seem to be Cindy, Maria and Linda for girls and Jacky, George and Charlie for boys. That said I do have a boy called Water in one of my classes and he usually sits next to his friend, who is known as Weekend. My favourite name at the school though is that of an older boy in one of my friend's classes, he is called Garfield.

So anyway, my lessons went pretty well all things considered. The kids do get bored quickly so drilling sentences can get tiresome for them after a few minutes, to keep their attention songs and of course games are a must. The Grade One kids love the game 'duck, duck, goose', whilst the older children love 'Typhoon' a game that I was not au fait with to be honest but they go mental for it! These are the rules for 'Typhoon', if you care to read them.

Me and my Grade One class

I enjoyed my first week in the classroom, its amazing how quickly you can get into it. The kids love shouting out "teacher!" when they have completed a written task and if you ask for a volunteer almost all of them will put their hand up though quite often you will find that when you pick one of the volunteers they then decide they don't want to come up to the front, yet funnily enough their hand goes up again and again throughout the lesson... Also, what did come as a surprise even though I had been warned it might happen is that the Grade One's like to slap your bum when you are talking to someone sitting next to them, which they find hilarious too.

I am not sure if I am a good teacher or not but what is satisfying is when you get to the end of the week and the students are able to form the sentence you have been teaching them without having to hear you say it before them, you can't beat that.

'In Da Club'

Those who have seen any of the photos that I've uploaded to Facebook since coming to China will probably have noticed there are not many pictures of cultural interest or even of my apartment and the school (they will be up in the near future). Instead I have mainly uploaded a fair few drunken images of myself stood with loads of people that you don't know, unless of course you are one of those people in which case you probably know a fair few of my fellow drunkards.

So why have I seemingly spent the last 3 and a half weeks getting drunk? Well I would like to say its down to the company I keep, and although in some cases that is true, it is actually down to the price. A can of beer here can be purchased for as little as 20p and it is possible to have a night out spending just a fiver! Ok so in some cases you may spend a little more but I have not spent more than £15 on a night out yet.

What do you get for £15? That's your entry into the club, plenty of drinks and the taxi home! On some nights, it is actually 'all you can drink', so you only have to worry about entry into the club (£3 for girls/£5 for boys) then go crazy at the free bar! Needless to say, I have spent many nights in China pissed! In some cases I have enjoyed a celebrity like treatment, being ushered to the front of a queue and allowed in for free (probably because I am Western, I am not complaining).

This is how much beer you can buy with a fiver!

The clubs themselves are a little crazy, in Chinese culture it is apparently frowned upon to show public affection toward a member of the opposite sex so I think that might be the reason why many young people come to the clubs, its a chance to touch each other up! And the guys seem to love the Western girls, many of the girls I know have had up to four Chinese guys dancing or hanging off them at some point!

As for the Chinese girls, well I have attempted to chat to a few and have found in most cases they don't speak English. Usually all they can say is their name, age, where they live and whether or not they like Coca Cola - all extremely important information of course but not the basis for a relationship. In the couple of instances that the girls do actually speak decent English, I have struggled to keep the conversation going due to cultural differences - no-one here has heard of David Beckham for example (not that David Beckham is commonly a topic of conversation for me, I am simply using an example of something everyone in the Western world is familiar with but few Chinese people would know about).

So my search for a Chinese wife continues..... Maybe I need to take the Mandarin lessons more seriously? Perhaps I could learn whilst sat in the pub drinking a ridiculously cheap beer?

All the tea in China

In Beijing there is a scam known as the 'tea ceremony', it's aimed at western tourists. I had not heard of this scam until Teach and Travel China (TTC) warned all the interns about it on day one. I guess like most I thought it wouldn't happen to me....

My friend and I decided to spend one of our free days by going sightseeing, the Forbidden City and Tiananmen Square seemed a good starting point. I was amazed leaving the subway station as to just how many people were coming up to us to talk. Some trying to sell us stuff, some just to practice the little English they knew "hello, how are you?" etc. My friend took a photo of me just in front of the Forbidden City, moments later two ladies (in their early 40's I think) approached us, "hello are you from England?" one asked, to which I replied "yes I am, but my friend is from America". They seemed very excited, they told us how they were from South China and were visiting Beijing for the weekend.

It was a particularly cold day, and after a minute or so of talking one of the ladies said they were about to go for a coffee if we would like to join them, "we can practice our English some more" she said. It seemed a reasonable request, plus my friend and I were also very cold and the prospect of a nice cup of coffee seemed very appealing.

We walked down a street not far from Tiananmen Square and eventually came to this little tea shop, "shall we try here?", one of the ladies asked, my friend nodded and in we went. Next thing I knew, I was in this private room with my friend and the two ladies, we were sat around a table which an array of teas laid out before us. I tried to read the menu but the waitress snatched it out of my hand. Then she spoke in Chinese, the ladies translated saying that it was traditional to try all the teas before picking the one you would like a pot of. I know very little about Chinese traditions but agreed to let the waitress do what she had to do.

We tried ten teas in total, all unique and all very enjoyable. Though each 'taster' came in a little tiny cup, possibly half the size of a shot glass you might see in a Western bar. We agreed to have three pots, picking our favourites, we sat for an hour or so and chatted. We discussed the differences between Western and Eastern life, and the discussion flowed as if we had known the ladies for years. Then it was time to go, one of the ladies asked for the bill.

Upon being presented with the bill, she looked stunned and exchanged a few remarks in Chinese with the manager before passing the bill for me to inspect. It was just under 5000RMB (£500), I thought back to what TTC said and turned to my friend, we both looked at each other and in unison we uttered "Tea Ceremony". 

So instantly I thought, all four of us had been stung and been caught out. My friend passed me a note scribbled on a napkin with black biro, "they're in on it". Of course, TTC had warned that two ladies would approach Westerners and ask if they wanted to go for tea and it would all be a scam, a bill of an astronomical value would then be presented at the end of the tea drinking. But what were we to do? Luckily, I had the number of the TTC and my mobile phone, so I explained to the manager that I didn't have that sort of money and needed to call my friend who would be able to help me.

TTC told us to sit tight, they would be there soon and not to pay the bill. I explained to the ladies that we had friends who could help but for some reason they wanted out so they paid their half of the bill using a credit card. As she handed over the credit card, she nearly burst into tears at the thought of paying 2500RMB for three pots of tea, well one and a half pots of tea. Was she acting? If so, it was a performance worthy of an Oscar nomination!

After the ladies went, we were left in the room for a good half an hour before TTC turned up. They exchanged heated (Chinese) words with the manager and he eventually left the room. "You will have to pay something, as the place is legit. The menu has all the prices on it" - Oh yes, the menu that was snatched from my hands upon entering the room! After a couple of minutes of negotiations, the manager agreed to let us leave if we paid 800RMB between us. TTC advised it was the lowest amount he would accept so reluctantly we agreed to pay. 

The bill broken down showed we were to be charged a room hire fee, and 35RMB (£3.50) for the little tasters of each tea plus 350RMB (£35) for each pot of tea. That is before a more reasonable (did I really just put that?) price was agreed.

So basically I paid £40 for some tea, I was that guy! The moral of the story? Don't trust anyone! But I guess if nothing else it does make for a nice story....

Me outside the Forbidden City, moments before being scammed!

Learning mandarin (not satsuma)

As part of our two week course, interns were to undertake six 45 minute mandarin lessons. It is quite possibly the hardest language in the world to master, ok ok so I haven't learnt all the languages on the planet but compared to German (which I did learn), mandarin is impossible!

Ok so we have established that English aside, I have studied two languages in my life and as I write this I am trying to work out why I don't go back and delete my somewhat bizarre statement about mandarin being the hardest language in the world to master - but you know what, I am going to leave it there as it is an awesome opening statement albeit a tad misleading.

Everyone of the interns arrived in China possessing the ability to say hello, which is Ni Hao! However that is were my command of the language ended and to be frank, four and half hours worth of lessons later that is still pretty much all I know.

The key to learning mandarin is sussing out how to pronounce the sounds that make up words, problem is I (and seemingly every other intern) cannot get to grips with these sounds and when I actually attempt to say anything other than Ni Hao, I end up spouting a load of gobbledygook.

For example, thank you is xie xie and seemingly no westerner can agree on how it is pronounced, honestly I have heard twenty variations on its pronunciation and I simply can't say which is correct. So I have actually found myself avoiding use of the word, when in a situation were I am expected to say thank you, I just say thank you. I am not sure whether or not the shopkeepers etc. understand what it is I am saying but at least I am being polite.

Luckily for me, the chinese are as terrible at English as I am mandarin. This is not a bad thing however and does make for some wonderful translations, particularly on warning signs:-

"Electricity! Look Out!" - My favourite sign in China, so far...

I am due to have another two hours worth of lessons a week until I come home, and if I can master xie xie then I will leave a happy man.

xie xie.

My initial thoughts

I am not sure what I expected before coming to China, I guess I tried to keep an open mind as I knew things would be a little different to life in England. With that in mind, here are a few of my initial thoughts on China so far...

I was aware of the reported smog in Beijing and I can confirm that it does indeed exist! I have struggled to breath here at times and have developed a horrendous cough, which leads me nicely into my next point - spitting. The Chinese love to spit, for many westerners it is the biggest of all culture shocks as you walk down the street you can often hear someone coughing up and spitting out various organs onto the pavement. Nice.

The people here love to stare at westerners and some even approach you asking to have their photo taken with you, they particularly seem interested in blondes. Now the language barrier does cause some issues, very very few chinese people can speak English and so you often find yourself deep in a conversation that will never go anywhere.

Food - what can I say about the food? Well, I have had both good and bad experiences, generally the food is tasty but I am not always sure as to what exactly I am eating (probably a good thing). If you like rice and noodles then you'd love it here, there's plenty!! They also love vegetables, it is part of every meal which is not necessarily true of meat.

Overall, I like it here. I feel safe, the people are friendly (even if they don't speak my language, thats why I am here I guess) and the food is pretty good if you know where to go. 

One thing is for sure though, I could murder a cup of Yorkshire Tea (other teas are available). 

Welcome to China

So after signing up for the Teach and Travel China Internship back in September, Friday 27th January was upon me and it was time to board the flight to Beijing from Heathrow (via Hong Kong).

Luckily I was not alone having met up with four other interns at the airport, our adventure was about to begin. I bonded with my fellow travelers during almost a day worth of flying, truth is the journey was relatively pain free and several crosswords later I was finally stepping off the plane in Beijing.

Suddenly, our little group of five had grown as we sat in Starbucks with 30 other interns each as sleep-deprived as the next but all full of anticipation and excitement as we prepared to take the next step in what promised to be a life changing experience.